As a former high school all star athlete, I can’t believe that I’ve allowed myself to get as large as I am today. You never realize until you fully look at yourself in the mirror how different you see yourself. When I think of myself, I still have the college image of myself in my head. After I graduated from high school, I gained weight in college after I stopped running track. But I still found other ways to exercise and was a reasonable size until after I graduated college.

I had serious mental health issues after college graduation and the meds they put me on made me blow up tremendously. Since then, it’s been a constant battle with my weight. That being said, I can no longer allow myself to get any larger. Besides having mental issues, now I’m also having physical issues. I had a slip and fall accident in 2015. At least before, I was still able to do some form of exercise to try to manage my weight. Now it’s been a real problem.

I’ve looked into others ways to do light weight exercise around the house since the CoVid lockdown of 2020. I have an exercise buddy who I would work out with at the gym, but since the pandemic we haven’t been able to meet up. It’s been really tough coping. But I digress.

The Nike motto “Just Do It” sums up how I should focus my energy. I was in a bad way for the past couple months physically and mentally, but I can’t allow myself to be down for too long. It may be “ok to not be ok”, but that shouldn’t allow me to just give up. I tend to make to-do lists and have good plans/ideas to get certain things done. But I wouldn’t act on it. I have goals, and I’m a single mother. I need to be a good example for my child. So from now on I need to focus on not just making plans but to do them.

#FindMotivation #Inspiration #JustDoIt

The Last Week of February 2020

I realized that I didn’t post on my blog all of last year except for one that I deleted that was about Facebook.  Last year was a very hard year for me.  It took me all that time to go through the 5 stages of grief…  I had to go through it because I had a slip and fall accident in the “fall”(pun intended) of 2015.  I was in denial for about 2 years where I still tried to work and everything before my litigation case was resolved.  The beginning of 2019, was when I acquired my settlement.  It was with a sigh of relief and a case of depression that I continued throughout last year.

I didn’t realize that I was actually depressed until the end of 2019.  Every new year starts out sort of bad for me due to January being my birthday month.  I’m an Aquarius(1/22), but I’m also sort of  on the cusp of being a Capricorn.  Aquarians are somewhat known as free spirited.  I’ve known Capricorns to be stubborn.  I believe that I have both of these traits.  This is what I do when I reflect on my life.  I find out more things about myself and what I can do to do better.  I was doing that at the end of 2019, when I realized that I was depressed.

Due to being diagnosed with bi-polar disorder at the age of 14, I always have to be aware of my “moods”.  Also, the first thing I would always deny is that I’m depressed.  But also due to my disorder, I have come to the conclusion long ago that I ‘m a high functioning mental patient.  I do what I’m supposed to with doctors, etc., to be able to cope.  Support groups are usually the best things for me.  What I feel about the medications is another discussion.   Writing(literally old school style) in my journal helps me the most.

How I realized that I was depressed is that the most obvious thing is that I didn’t blog at all.  I posted a little on a site where you can have discussions with others, but I didn’t really write anything of substance.  I didn’t move around too much which is very off for me because I do like to walk and stuff.  I stayed in the house mostly all 2019.  That’s not good at all, especially since without movement my physical injuries got worse.  My house is a total mess when a long time ago I could have afforded assistance.  I made an appointment to have some cleaners come in soon to declutter my place among other things.

Clutter is the main thing that lets me know when I’m not doing too well.  I am a clutter bug, but I usually don’t let it build up to the point of no return.  I am definitely NOT a hoarder.  I have no problem throwing out things when it gets really bad.  I just have to be in the right frame of mind to allow people to help me when it’s definitely needed.  I sometimes just watch the tv show “Hoarders” to make me feel just a little better about my own situation.  I say to myself, “Now  I may be bad… But I’m not that bad… Ha Ha…”  The show also pushes me to do something about my own clutter.  That’s where allowing someone to come in for assistance is important.

Usually, I like to do things for myself.  I’ve been raised to be mostly independent.  As a latchkey kid, you kind of figure out how to do a lot of things by yourself.  I won’t bad mouth my parents(mostly) here, because they did the best they could with what they had.  But I will say that if it wasn’t for my older sister(my surrogate mother), I do believe that I wouldn’t be as advanced as I am.  I’m proud to say that my sister is an elementary teacher today.  But she has her own family and in our adult lives we just can’t be there for each other physically as in the past.  So I have to reach out to others.

I have no close family living nearby me. I live in the tri-state area.  My sister is much further north from me, and my parents have retired to the southern states of the United States.  I have learned to create some kind of support base in my area.  It doesn’t always work, though.  Everybody’s going through something and doesn’t seem to have the ability to be there for me as I’ve been there for them in the past.  I’m a very good friend and associate to others.  Sometimes the same values, etc., are not reciprocated in my relationships.  I’ve learned to figure it out on my own.

Now with it soon going to be spring next month.  I’ve figured out that I have to do better.  My settlement monies are almost depleted after paying bills, etc.  I need to wake up and find a way to increase the growth in my freelancing business.  I’ve been too lax.  I know how to give advice to others, but following my own has been an issue.  One of my online associates has definitely made me realize that about myself.  Sometimes the people you may communicate with online can be better than those who you actually interact with in person.  With that being said,  I’m going to do better this week for the end of February to be more prepared for March 2020.  #NewLife2020

Below is an example of my posting on MyLot for the new year 2019.  It took me awhile then as well.


Dealing with Stress – Financial Fatigue

Trying to be financially independent working from home can be very stressful especially if you have no other or a very low source of income.  When my daughter was first born in 2003, I knew that I had to find some other form of income due to having to be home with my child.  Unfortunately, I gave up on the idea of permanently being only self-employed too early after not getting the results I wanted quick enough for me.  I lacked patience and focus.  Also, I was having technical computer issues so trying to work steadily online was a problem.  It was a time before I had wireless service for access to the internet. I felt that I would always be able to find a “job” when needed so I allowed the digital age to get ahead of me and denied having to keep up with social media and the progression of digital marketing.  I have to admit that I’d like to kick myself for giving up at that time.  The constant shoulda, woulda, coulda would keep going around and around in my head every time I got discouraged on any business/work endeavors.  This would cause me stress and to become financially fatigued stretching out whatever dollars I had to survive.

It’s said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Well now I’ve decided to not give up, focus, and follow through with a plan instead of searching for a clue. I’ve reached out to people and done some research.  The following are some ways to deal with stress:

  1.   Avoid Caffeine, Alcohol, and Nicotine.
    This is something where I have no problem.  I don’t drink coffee.  I also already cut down on how much caffeinated tea I drink.  I’m mostly a social drinker, and I don’t smoke.
  2. Indulge in Physical Activity
    Problem for me.  Currently, I have physical issues so indulging in physical activity is very difficult.  I’m overweight due to not being able to exercise consistently.  I like to exercise, too.  Unfortunately, I can only do the very minimum.
  3. Get More Sleep
    Easier said than done.  Insomnia is definitely an issue for me.  Sometimes my mind could go a mile a minute trying to figure my next steps to success.  I’m working on this.
  4. Try Relaxation Techniques
    I’ve tried meditation but I’m sure there are more ways to get into relaxation mode. More research is needed here.
  5. Talk to Someone
    My number one thing to do is to reach out to people when I’m feeling seriously stressed.  The question is who is a reliable support.  Therapy can help but that’s another cost to reach out to professionals.  Support groups can be very helpful but sometimes either I don’t want to go to a group &/or the time of the group is not convenient. Having reliable people from my family and/or friends network is another issue.  I have nobody really and truly close to me who’s there for support.
  6. Keep a Stress Diary
    I have many journals for my thoughts.  It helps and doesn’t help sometimes, though, because after I’ve written down my problems it can become overwhelming.  Then I would go into the next steps for resolution.
  7. Take Control
    Problem solving techniques is the way to “take control” of becoming overwhelmed. Writing down pros and cons to a problem can be helpful.  The following step is to make a decision for a plan.
  8. Manage Your Time
    Time management can be very difficult is there’s no focus.  I keep a do list, but most of the time it’s hard to complete. It’s best to prioritize what needs to be done from the written task and realize that everything cannot be done all at once.  I happen to have the all of nothing attitude.  Still learning how to manage my time.
  9. Learn to Say “No”
    Not taking on more than you can handle is very important.  I can tend to take on more responsibility  than required at a job and/or at home.  I’ve learned this to whittle down a lot of projects that I’ve had on my plate in the past year.  I’ve had to quit my job due to too much stress and not enough compensation.  Quitting my job brought on some financial fatigue, but part of it was worth it.
  10. Rest If You Are Ill
    Recovery time is definitely needed to rejuvenate the mind, body, and soul.  I used to get down on myself if I felt that I was losing time from work if I allowed myself to rest.  Now I know that it’s ok to do.

All of the above items listed can help to deal with stress.  I’ve come up with an acronym to help me remember.  E.F.F.O.R.T.  Execute a plan.  Focus on your goals.  Follow through on tasks.  Order your thoughts to maximize results.  Rest as needed.  Time manage your priorities and everything can have the possibility for  accomplishment towards good health and wealth.

Does “Mommy Brain” Only Affect New Mothers?

Imagine being still not quite middle-age and having memory loss issues.  You’re misplacing things more often than usual. You’re in the middle of a sentence and forget what you’re point was during a conversation. You may even unknowingly miss more than 1 or 2 appointments during a period of time.  This may have someone concerned about possibly having the early signs of dementia. Being a mother, though, something else could be happening.

Although “Mommy brain” is considered a state of being “forgetful, absent minded, or easily distracted” for new mothers, this condition may continue later in life as your children grow older.  Physical and mental health is very important, especially if you’re a parent. Not only are you taking care of yourself, but you are also responsible for your children.  So there are factors that can possibly explain this phenomenon such as diet, multitasking which could lead to stress, and sleep deprivation.

What you eat is essential to survive. Just because mothers may not be carrying the baby inside them anymore doesn’t mean that the extra nutrients needed from the prenatal vitamins are no longer needed for the mother as well.  Sometimes, mothers long after the children are past breastfeeding age make sure that the children are fed and content but they may forget to feed themselves properly. Taking the leftovers from the children’s plates is not enough for a healthy meal.  Not having enough fiber and protein in your diet can affect how your brain may function.

The to-do list for a mother can be long.  Between making sure the children get out to school on time, making sure there’s enough food and supplies in the home, and that the household chores are taken care of,  multitasking can definitely be a drain on the brain. The to-do list can even be longer if you’re a single parent. Providing for the family on your own can also cause even more brain fatigue than usual  later in life.

All the above could follow up with sleep deprivation.  Mothers are usually very concerned that everyone is provided for and the household is properly in order.  Sometimes it can be hard to turn the brain off to get the rest needed to refresh for the next days to come.  If the body doesn’t get the time it needs to rejuvenate, then this could cause some memory loss issues.

Considering the changes a woman’s body has gone through and the more responsibility after having children, “Mommy Brain” can possibly continue even much after being a new mother.  Experts say that there may be ways to decrease the condition with a healthy diet, limiting your time multitasking, and getting the proper sleep. Taking time out for yourself can sometimes help too. Some people may even say there’s a “chance of returning to the way you were”.  The reality is that things are going to be different for a woman after having kids. Try to do the best you can with what you have and find joy in the blessings in your life.

Count Your Blessings

Being a mother, of course, I have a daily to-do-list. One of my main ones is grocery shopping. Sometimes, I don’t shop at just one store at a time depending on household needs and the prices of certain things at certain stores. When I get a cart at a store, I usually put my purse in the front holder. (My purse situation is a total other subject such as the size, weight, etc.) Anyway, my mind was so focused on getting to the next store to complete my grocery list for the week that when I put the bags in the trunk of the car I left my purse in the grocery cart.  I remembered on my way to my next destination for household supplies.

I rushed back to the grocery store hoping that my purse would still be there but… Even though I just left the place, of course my purse wasn’t still where I left it.  I tried not to freak out instantly because that’s not going to help the situation. Instead I tried to think of everything that was in it that can be replaced, and what I can I do to replace everything asap.  Then I started to ask people in the area if they saw a purse or anyone who may have asked about it. No result. I went inside the store and asked customer service if anyone dropped off a purse. No result. I did this about three times and was about to start freaking out because this was delaying my schedule.

It was an early morning Saturday and  I just dropped off my teenage daughter to a big track meet for the day.  This is my time to do as much as I can to prep for the upcoming next week so I’m not rushing around during the week with my work schedule among other things.  If I had to replace the things in my wallet, that would totally put me a week behind with my freelance work and household chores.

The whole time this was happening I was hoping and praying that things would work out.  I was rather calm, though, because this had happened before. I did it during the holiday season, and with my cell phone.  When it happened during the holiday season, I was totally freaking out. Also, I had to drive a whole lot farther to turn around to retrieve my purse.  By the time I returned to the last place I left my purse, it was at the customer service booth. I felt so blessed that day because the purse I left was a designer purse with a whole lot more than I was caring this past Saturday.  When I left my phone, I was able to just walk back into the store and it was exactly where I left it. Now I was more calm because not only it happened before and things worked out, but I was thinking that no one would want the little carry on bag that I had that day.  Another thing was that it was early morning and not that many people were in the stores yet.

These were the things that were going on in my mind during my search for the lost purse that day, but as it was taking longer to find it my thoughts were turning negative. Such as maybe my luck ran out.  I was able to get my left behind things before, but maybe it won’t happen this time. I had to take a breather and not let those negative thoughts devour me. Just when I was about to give up on the search at the store and decide to cover my losses, a nice lady came around with my purse just about to drop it off with customer service.  She claimed that she was looking for my phone number through my address on my driver’s license in my wallet. Even though I didn’t appreciate her going through my purse and my wallet, I thanked her with as much gratefulness as I could give at that moment. A lesson learned for me. My moment of truth is even though things may not be going well in everything in my life to never give up on positive things to continue to happen in other areas, though they may be small. Count your blessings.